My Life For Yours
by MikoCatgirl
Summary: She took the bullet for her. She can't live without her.
1. I Would Die For You

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to MGLN. Derp.

* * *

><p>The shot echoed throughout the silent room, causing my reality to come crashing down. Screams of panic chorused around me, but I was forced into a state of shock and could hardly even register that any sound was being made at all.<p>

This must be some sick joke. It must be nothing more than a cruel illusion webbed together by the Creator of Dreams. Yes, any moment I would wake up from this horrid nightmare and I would find you lying by my side, holding my hand as you slept so peacefully.

All I had to do was close my eyes and reopen them. Then everything would be back to normal and all would be right in the world.

Close.

Open.

Nothing had changed. We were not in our home. We were not resting in our bed. This was not some twisted joke; this was the cruel reality. As I looked into your lifeless blue eyes, I couldn't help but ask the same questions repeatedly as I stared in disbelief.

Why?

How?

It didn't make any sense. You were no stranger to injury. This isn't even the first time someone shot at you _this week_. You were the strongest person I had ever met. You could have probably destroyed this entire world if you wished for it.

Why? How could you survive battle after battle with other mages, yet you were killed by a single bullet from a thief trying to rob a bank?

The sound of crying filled my ears as I was dragged back into the reality around me. I looked up to the young blond girl that was crying over your still warm corpse. Just last week we had taken her to see some sappy romantic comedy and teased her about crying near the end. She had boasted hours before that she was a teenager now and those kinds of things wouldn't make her cry anymore.

Yet here she was, crying her heart out for you. I feel like I should say something, anything to try and help her, yet I am unable to speak. I can find no phrases or words that could possibly make this situation any better. She is our daughter, yet I can offer her nothing more than a shoulder to cry on as I pull her into my arms. How can I possibly comfort her when I'm crying just as hard as she is, if not more so than her?

The doors were suddenly kicked open as several cops rushed in to apprehend the criminal. Seeing them all rush in so suddenly sent a wave of anger throughout my body. _Now_ they decide to show up? Why did they wait until after you died to take action? I felt the urge to strike them all down rise inside me. They had the nerve to come in here and try to save the day when the most important person here is already dead? I wanted to kill them for their incompetence. They left you to die.

Despite my anger, I did nothing. I did not attack; I did not yell at them; I did not even move. I sat still and continued to cry as I gripped your already stiff hand tightly, so tight that I fear I might break it off.

I don't know when or how it happened, but I found myself standing up and watching the paramedics take you away. What the hell could they do at this point? They were too late to save you. I should hate them for it, but I can't, because I could do nothing to save you either.

Should I hate you for dying and leaving us behind?

_No._

I could never hate you. I love you with all of my heart, but you already know that, don't you? Just as I know that you love me. Even when you jumped in front of me and took the bullet, I knew you did it because you loved me. But, you know, this is a fate worse than death.

How can I live my life without you? You're the one that gave me this life. It's all thanks to you that I was able to live this long. Why did you sacrifice yourself just for my sake? It should have been the other way around, shouldn't it? I should have protected you with the life you had given me.

I look down into my hands, stained with your blood. It looks as if I was the one who killed you. It definitely feels like I did.

Footsteps draw my attention as a police inspector walks up to us and offers his condolences. His condolences! As if that actually meant anything coming from him! I wanted so desperately to slug him one and break his jaw. I probably would have done it if I hadn't felt a small hand take a hold of my shaking one.

"Fate-mama…" She pleaded weakly through her tears, as if she sensed what I was about to do. Was she trying to comfort me? Should it not be the other way around? Why does everything seem so backwards?

Why was I the one being comforted?

Why am I the one that continues to live?

* * *

><p>Hours passed, followed by days that eventually built up into weeks.<p>

People have gathered for your funeral, and I found myself somewhat surprised that I showed up. It felt wrong being here. It felt so wrong to see you resting in your casket. Being here felt like I had given up. What I gave up, I'm not sure. It was like I just quit playing a game I didn't know I was a part of.

People I barely knew and others I had never met before would offer their half-hearted sympathy, as if I needed it. Their looks of pity meant nothing to me. Their words felt like nothing more than sympathy given out of obligation. _Annoying._

Your voice is the only thing I want to hear, but I already realized how meaningless that desire is. You're gone and you're not coming back, are you?

I stare longingly into your casket with the weakest speck of hope that you will suddenly open your eyes and say the whole thing was one cruel, sadistic joke.

But you won't.

You were too sweet to ever play that kind of joke on anyone. You wouldn't do that to me. You wouldn't do that to any of your friends, would you?

Speaking of which, all of your friends came today to see you one last time. Everyone looked mournful, but no one cried, not even me. I don't know why I wasn't crying when all I could feel was the urge to scream your name and plead for you to wake up. Was I putting on a tough act for everyone else's sake? Had I just accepted that there was absolutely nothing I could do? I feel so weak and useless without you.

I couldn't help but notice that even Vivio wasn't crying. Was she putting on an act as well? Has everyone else already come to terms with your death? Was I the only one that was still mourning? Did I ever accept the fact that you're truly gone now?

I didn't.

I still won't. How is someone supposed to cope with the fact that their reason for living was just taken from them?

It was then that I realized why I wasn't crying. I wasn't crying because I didn't feel like it. No, that wasn't the right way to word it.

I didn't feel like doing anything anymore.

Even as they lowered your casket into the ground, I didn't cry. All I could do was watch in silence as all of my hope withered away.

* * *

><p>Those weeks eventually became months. How many months has it been since you passed? I don't even know anymore. The minutes and hours all seemed to blend together so quickly, yet felt as if they pass at the rate of a snail's crawl. I would probably have a better sense of time if I hadn't smashed the clock against the wall at some point. The constant ticking had gotten on my nerves, so I decided to stop it.<p>

I wonder how long it has been since I last went outside. I think it was snowing that day, but this calendar says that it's May.

I guess it doesn't matter.

I quit my job after you died. You would probably be upset if you found out, but I don't think anyone was surprised when I suddenly resigned. I couldn't protect the person that was most important to me, so how could I be trusted to protect people I've never met?

I hear the front door slam. I can barely see what looks to be sunlight through the closed curtains and realize that Vivio must be heading to school. You would be proud of her, I think. She has been trying to move on lately, going to school on her own and studying properly. It seems like everyone has moved on.

Everyone was moving on… except me.

Was everyone else that strong, or was I just that weak? Perhaps it was both. Without you here with me, I have realized just how weak and hopeless I really am.

Even our daughter must have realized how pathetic I am by now. Really, just what the hell am I even doing anymore?

I felt frustrated. I grabbed the bottle of liquor and threw it against the wall, watching the glass shatter in different directions upon impact.

I walked over to the pile of glass and gingerly picked up one of the shards. I slid the glass fragment across my pale skin and watched crimson trickle down from the new cut. I'm sure you would be disappointed, perhaps even angry, if you were to see me like this.

What choice did I have? It didn't make me feel better, but at least the stinging sensation was an effective temporary distraction. It prevented my mind from wandering. It stopped me from thinking about things I could never actually forget.

I heard the door slam shut again. Just how long have I been sitting here? I get up to hide my arm before she can see it, but as I stand, everything becomes blurry and I lose the feeling in my legs. How much blood had I lost?

I hear her scream something upon entering the room, but it sounds muffled and I'm unable to ask her to repeat it before I collapse on the cold floor.

* * *

><p>Beeping. Sobbing. I am greeted by these two sounds as I slowly regain consciousness. As my vision comes into focus, I realize that the blank white wall I've been staring at is the ceiling of a hospital room. I don't care enough to find the source of the beeping as I realize the sobbing is coming from the person with their head resting on the bed. I reach out to touch her and show her that I am awake, but I stop when I realize that this girl's hair is not blond.<p>

This was not Vivio. This girl was definitely not a child.

I open my mouth to speak, to ask who this person is, but that would be a stupid thing to ask. Even in the disheveled state that it was in now, I would recognize that auburn hair anyway.

It was impossible.

I must be dreaming.

I watched you die.

Does that mean that I died? Is that why I can see you again?

I must have laughed, because you suddenly looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes. Unlike last time, they were suddenly full of life as you looked at me in what I can only assume is disbelief.

"Fate-chan!" You cried out and suddenly jerked forward to hug me tightly. I winced in pain, but I ignored it and quickly hugged you back. Then it dawned on me. I could feel pain; I could feel you. You were real. _This_ was real.

It was impossible.

How could this be real? I watched you die and then I died. Are we both dead, or am I dreaming?

I looked down at my arms that were behind your back. Other than the tube that was stuck in my arm, there was nothing else. No blood, no cuts, no scars. Had what happened before I passed out really happened at all?

"How…?" My voice came out barely above a whisper thanks to my dry throat. Nevertheless, I had to know.

"I'm sorry, Fate-chan! I'm so sorry!" Why are you apologizing? I want to ask, but I could barely mutter out the first word. If you're really alive right now, then you should have nothing to apologize for. No, even if you weren't, you would have nothing to be sorry for. I wanted to pull you back and show you my confusion so you could clarify, but I didn't want to let you go. I had you in my arms again and I was afraid that I would lose you if I let you of my grasp.

"I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. You got shot protecting me. I'm so sorry Fate-chan!" You cried in my arms as you shouted your apologies. I was shot protecting her? Wasn't it the other way around? Please, let this be real.

As you kept apologizing, I decided to cup your face in my hands and pull you into a kiss. It's a feeling I missed greatly. Well, your touch in general is something I missed deeply. I missed everything about you.

After pulling away from the kiss, you looked at me in confusion and I just smiled sheepishly. I would take a thousand bullets for you, you know?

"I love you." The words came out broken and hard to understand, and barely being audible didn't help much. Even so, my message seemed to have gotten across and you hugged me again. I'm not sure if I even felt any pain this time because I was distracted by my heart being all aflutter at the moment.

You know what I'm saying, don't you? I could never blame you for something like this because I don't regret what I did.

You mean everything to me. If I lost you again, I would surely die without you.

You are my life; my world; my everything.

I love you, Nanoha.


	2. I Can't Live Without You

I couldn't believe it. This never should have happened. You were always so strong. At times, I really believed you were invincible. How did it come to this? I prayed to Kami-sama that this was all just a dream, but every time I looked at you, I knew this was real.

You were shot…protecting me.

Why, Fate-chan? Why did you jump in front of me?

I shouldn't have asked that. I already know why. It's because you love me, right? You knew I would have done the same for you for the same reason. You were always faster than me. No one could keep up with you. You moved in front of me at the last moment to make sure I didn't get in front of you. You wanted to make sure I wouldn't be hurt.

But I _was _hurt, Fate-chan.

Watching you suffer; watching you bleed and being too shocked to do anything about it. I could have – no, I should have helped you. How many times have we gone through training in case of a situation just like this? Even then, I froze. If I had acted quickly, you wouldn't be sleeping. You wouldn't be hooked up to these machines. We would be at home right now, eating dinner with Vivio, laughing at some silly show on TV, then go back to our room and cuddle as we fell asleep.

This is my fault.

You always tell me that I'm strong, but I'm really weak, you know? It's only when you're with me that I can do my best. Even with everyone else around me, I feel so alone and useless if you aren't by my side. I wonder when I truly became so enamored with you that I became so weak if you weren't with me.

Please, wake up.

I held your hand between mine, sobbing once again. It was always like this. I came to see you every day, and every day I did the same thing. I sat by your bed and held your hand, praying that this was a dream, and then praying that you would wake up. Every night, the nurses would all but drag me out of the room when visiting hours were over. I was reluctant at first. I didn't want to leave your side. Eventually, I realized that I still had to take care of Vivio. I couldn't keep being selfish.

I had never realized how much stronger than me Vivio was.

For the first few days, she was here with me, crying by your side. I know I should have been stronger for her sake, but I couldn't do it. I failed as your wife and as her mother. She became more independent. She started cooking her own meals, doing her schoolwork without any help, she started working at a part-time job, and she even got her license. She was much more mature than I had given her credit for.

Even while you're in this state, she could be strong while I could only cry.

I quit my job, Fate-chan. What right did I have to use magic? The person I wanted to protect the most nearly died right before my eyes, and I couldn't do anything. How could I teach others to use magic to protect their loved ones when I couldn't use it protect my own? I was a failure that didn't deserve something like magic. Would you be disappointed in me? I'm sure you would scold me. You wouldn't like to see me giving up.

The only thing I could never give up on is you.

* * *

><p>The weeks slowly drifted by and eventually months had passed. Your condition never changed. You slept through winter like a bear that was hibernating. It's already spring, Fate-chan, so shouldn't you be waking up by now? It's already May. Vivio has already started her last year of high school. She'll be graduating soon. I'm sure she'd love it if you were awake by then.<p>

I know you'll wake up long before then, right? I'm really selfish. I don't want to live in a world if you're not in it. That's why I still had hope that you would wake up any day now.

But you never did.

I wonder how many months I spent sitting by you. Our friends had practically stopped coming to see you by now. At first, everyone had come to see you almost every day. We all believed that you would only be out for a week at the most. Eventually, that one week became two, and soon it was three. One by one, our friends stopped coming. Other than the rare visits from Hayate or Chrono, it seemed that no one would be coming anymore. It felt as if they had all given up hope on you.

I still believe in you.

Perhaps it's just me being selfish, but I truly believe that you'll wake up one day. You'll probably have to go through physical therapy once you wake up. You haven't walked for quite some time, you know? I bet you'll feel pretty stiff when you open your eyes. Don't worry. I'll be with you through it all.

Will you call me clingy? I probably am, so go right ahead. Once you wake up, I'll probably never let you leave my side again. The thought of looking to my side and seeing you aren't there haunts me. Thinking about it now would probably make me cry if I weren't already sobbing.

Eventually, even the doctors had given up on you. Perhaps they had never had as much faith in you as they had let on in the beginning? I wanted to hate them for even suggesting that you wouldn't make it. As much as I tried, I couldn't do it. I couldn't blame them for not expecting any changes. Was my selfishness the only thing that was keeping you hooked up to all these machines?

Every time the doctors talked to me about pulling the plug I would reject the idea. Was it wrong for me to keep you alive? Should I just accept the fact that you're not going to wake up and move on?

_No._

I'm sorry, Fate-chan. I really am selfish. I refuse to believe that you're really going to die. I'm just causing you trouble at this point, aren't I? Maybe you're in there somewhere, screaming at me to let you pass on. I'm horrible, but I'm also desperate. You'll wake up one day. I know you will! _Please?_

I'll never stop believing that you'll wake up, even when the doctors say your condition has worsened.

* * *

><p>Today was just like every other day. The room was mostly quiet with the exception of the repetitive beeping and the occasional sobbing. Most people would have surely run out of tears by now, wouldn't they? I sat by your side as always, resting my head on your bed and praying that you would wake up soon. I wonder what you would think if you saw me now. I was probably an absolute mess. Today seemed like every other day where nothing would change. I was certain that I would just be sitting here like this until it was time to leave. I was certain, until I heard it.<p>

A chuckle.

It was weak, but I would recognize that laugh anywhere. I could never mistake that sound for anyone else.

I immediately looked up at you. My gaze locked on to those beautiful crimson eyes that I hadn't seen in Kami knows how many months.

"Fate-chan!" I cried out as I suddenly lunged at you. I couldn't believe my eyes. You were really awake! You were alive! It was unbelievable until you hugged me back. This is really happening. It's not a dream or a sick delusion. You were in my arms and I was in yours. I had missed this embrace far more than I could have possibly imagined.

"How…?" I could hear you speaking weakly. You had been asleep for months, so of course your throat was probably dry.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized as I held her tightly, so afraid that letting you go would cause you to slip away for good. I didn't want to lose you again. "I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. You got shot protecting me. I'm so sorry Fate-chan!" I wondered if you would ever forgive me for causing you all this pain. You shouldn't have had to go through this because of me.

I felt your arms slip away from the hug. Before I could say anything, you placed your hand on my face and kissed me. When you pulled away, I just looked at you in disbelief. This was real.

"I love you." The words were hard to hear, and it sounded as if it was difficult to say, but it was the greatest thing I had heard in a long time. I hugged you again, wanting to never let go. I missed this feeling so much.

Your kiss.

Your touch.

Your warmth.

Your love.

I had never realized how much I had come to depend on all of these until now. I realized it as I sat by your side these past few months. No matter how strong everyone thought I was, I'm really quite weak.

I can't live without you.

Please, don't ever think that it's okay to die for me. Without you by my side, I'm already dead.

I never want to lose you again.

I love you, Fate.


End file.
